Sarcasm - Because it's illegal to kill people..



So for those of you who know me closely, know about my penchant for sarcasm.. I don't miss any opportunity to be sarcastic especially with people who're close to me/those who're acting too cocky and need to be put in their place/those who can understand my brand of humour.. Yeah I say 'brand' because over the years I have mastered the art of dropping a punch line with a straight face.. And I notice people looking at me very intently when I say something.. they're actually trying to ascertain if I'm being serious or if I'm joking.. well you'll never know because I'll never show (my true feelings).. lol..

So I've come across some really silly questions which make for a perfect opportunity to be sarcastic.. But then my mom always told me that if I can't say something nice I should be quiet.. so now you all know why I usually come across as a shy, "quiet" person.. lol

Anyway here are some silly questions and my equally silly (sarcastic) answers.. I don't usually say them out loud.. Because you know - empathy, sensitivity and basically I feel not everyone deserves to see me at my sarcastic best..lol.. so here goes


1. When I was working in a Branch (Customer entering the branch during Lunch break)
Customer : Is this your lunch break?
Me : (What I want to say) - No Sir, we're having a food festival in our Branch today.. would you like to sample some home made Rajma?
Me : (What I actually say) - Yes Sir.. please have a seat.. I ll finish my Lunch in 10 minutes and then help you with whatever you need assistance with..

2. When I'm asleep and someone calls and I answer
Caller : Sleeping?
Me : (What I want to say) - Yes..Sharon is asleep.. this is her empty soul speaking.. Would you like me to give her a message from you?
Me : (What I actually say) - Nooooo.. I just woke up.. so tell me.. wassup?

3. I walk into the grocery store with nothing except my wallet.
At the billing counter with a cart full of grocery items.. the salesperson at the counter having observed I don't have a bag with me..
Salesperson : Your bill is Rs 750/- Do you want a bag?
Me (This is what I actually said) : How am I going to carry all this stuff?
Salesperson (looking at me like I mortally wounded him)
From then on I just reply with a 'Yes' when a salesperson asks me if I need a bag..

Anyway now that I'm growing older and wiser I've decided that I should curb the sarcasm and try to be nice..

I tell my little one (LO) it's bed time and we need to go to bed.. Just as I walk up to the table to keep my specs in the specs case I have the following conversation with LO:
LO : Mama where are you going now?
Me (Sarcastically) : I'm going to dance..
LO (In a serious voice) : Mama can I watch?

And I look at her intently trying to figure out if she's serious or if she's being sarcastic.. ;-)

Comments

  1. Arpan DebtaJanuary 15, 2020 at 9:55 AM

    Really I enjoyed the theme Ma'm.. Have u written the whole blog ???#sarcasm

    ReplyDelete

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