Parenting in the age of screen time & guilt (and PTA meetings)

A few years back my daughter asked my husband the meaning of the word "gay".. My husband explained to her that when a person likes another person from the same gender they are called "gay".. Her next question was "What if they like people from both the genders?".. I don't remember how this conversation concluded.. Usually each parent wants to be the "preferred" parent but for once I was relieved that I wasn't the parent these questions were directed at because I wouldn't have been able to handle them with the same ease my husband did..

Owing to the digital age, kids are a lot better informed than we were when we were their age..  But having access to so much information without actually being able to process/assimilate this information is causing a lot of problems in the generation of today.. I recently watched a show on Netflix titled "Adolescence".. The story shows how teenagers can be influenced by what they see online.. It explores serious issues like violence and peer pressure..

But what really stood out for me was the ending of the series.. The guilt the parents felt at their son's actions, was heart wrenching..

It made me think of how I'm parenting my daughter.. Whether I'm a good mother or not.. Last I checked I was the "Best mother in the whole world".. I have a handmade birthday card presented by my daughter certifying this.. But this is largely because my husband and mother in law really hype me up to my daughter and say flattering things about me to her.. 

My daughter is a teenager now.. And parenting a teenager is fun... (Most of the times).. When you're doing it together as a team.. But owing to my present assignment I've relocated away from Bangalore and my husband is for all practical purposes, a single parent.. For my part I make the effort to be there for my daughter's school programmes, Sports day, PTA meets etc.. In fact both my husband and me usually attend programmes at my daughter's school together, with one of us definitely present at her programmes just in case the other one of us can't make it.. But then parenting is more than just being there for school programmes.. It has more to do with being there for your kids physically and emotionally as well.. 

So at the risk of sounding boastful I would like to say that we're a very chill set of parents.. We're not pushy/over ambitious when it comes to our daughter's studies.. She's a bright kid and is doing fairly well at studies given that I'm not around and my husband doesn't get much time to supervise her studies because he's busy juggling work and the household as well.. But while we expect her to do well, that's not our main focus.. I think for both my husband and me, we want our daughter to grow up to be a good human.. A well behaved, strong, independent woman who's not afraid to speak out when it matters and not afraid to exercise her boundaries.. 

A couple of years back my daughter was worried about some student who was annoying her and when she told that kid to stop it, the kid threatened to complain to some teacher.. So when she mentioned this to me I told her that the next time that kid threatens to complain to the teacher she should tell that kid "Tell whoever you want.. You can go and complain to the Principal as well".. My daughter was horrified at my answer, but both my husband and me convinced her that she need not fear anyone and if called for we would both visit her school to meet her teacher or Principal.. 

Another instance where some kid was annoying her.. This kid also took her sheet on which she's written a poem and tore it apart.. She was upset.. and then my husband and me spoke to her and told her that she needs to tell that kid once or twice to stop it and if he still doesn't then she can complain to the teacher.. My daughter was so annoyed with this kid that when he annoyed her again she pushed him away.. I'm not endorsing violence or getting physical but I was secretly happy that my daughter did this.. As parents we both want her to be able to stand up for herself..

I also hope that my daughter learns that everyone isn't going to love her the way that her parents do and that's okay.. I want to teach her that she's worth so SO much more than the sum of her accomplishments and other people's opinions.. That her value is priceless and her presence is cherished..

I hope that she always feels comfortable to talk to us about anything that she want to.. Till then we'll continue to be the chill parents that we are..

My daughter is a reserved kid and takes a lot of time to open up to people around.. The feedback from her teachers usually is that she's too reserved and doesn't mingle with the other kids.. so a few days back my husband was teasing her saying that this academic year we want to hear atleast one or two complaints about her.. I was telling her that instead of hearing her teachers say that "Nikita is reserved and doesn't mingle much", I want to hear that "Nikita is very talkative and even if we change her place she talks to whoever she's sitting next to".. and my daughter chuckled at our "expectations"..

She must be thinking her parents are such a crazy lot.. We're also the crazy lot who when she mentions at 9.00 PM at night that she needs pictures/graph sheets/maps for next day's class, run to the nearest stationery shop to pick up the stuff for her.. (Well mostly my husband does this for her.. lol) 

But it's our crazy love for her that makes us do it.. And we're proud to be the 'crazy' parents..  ;-)