From the diary of a hostel "inmate".. (lol)

Well. I always thought "inmate" was a term used to describe people who were imprisoned.. like those sentenced to jail time for offences they committed.. Of course, it was only after I joined the hostel here at Kochi and began to adhere to the hostel rules that I realised that the only difference between us and those people serving time in prison is that they have forcefully been imprisoned but we joined the hostel by choice.. so the hostel management is right in referring to us as "inmates".. 

So a lot people wonder why I chose to stay in a hostel.. The conversation goes like this.. 

Them: So where are you staying?

Me: So & So hostel..

Them: (5 second pause) But why Madam? you are eligible for leased accommodation.. you'll get good houses here on rent..

Me: (Groaning silently and wondering if it's silly to play a pre recorded voice note listing out 10 reasons why I chose to stay in the hostel)

Instead I just smile and say it's very close to office.. That's why.. 

Anyway, so coming to the choice about staying at a hostel.. There is only one thing that people fear, that's loneliness.. This fear of loneliness is magnified ten times in someone who's grieving the loss of a loved one.. Without turning this into a "sympathy" post let me just say that when I was transferred to Kochi, since I would be relocating alone I had already decided that I would look for a shared accommodation be it PG or Hostel.. I felt it would be in my best interest to be in a place where I'm surrounded by people most of the time.. 

Of course, this doesn't change the fact that I'm not very social and would prefer to be alone than in the company of others..  

Fortunately for me it’s easier to be aloof/distant here since I don’t speak the native language and people here are not very comfortable speaking in English.. so I get by with a bit of broken Malayalam that I know.. and it’s also nice that I now have a good excuse not to engage in conversation with the people around.. 

That’s not to say that I’m not making the effort to learn Malayalam.. I watch Malayalam movies in theatres (without subtitles) and also pay attention to all conversations which happen in Malayalam trying to pick up new words.. 

Coming back to life at the hostel.. I was having this conversation with a good friend who would send me songs which I would always tell her that I’ll go back to the hostel and listen to them.. (that would never happen) so the friend probably got annoyed or rather felt hurt and very subtly put it across as well.. Also subtly enquiring what I do after going back to the hostel..

That’s been the question most of my friends and colleagues have asked me.. what is it that you go and do after reaching the hostel..

It’s a misconception that women staying away from their families on account of their job or any other reason have all the time in the world and it’s annoying that people feel the need to offer advice to such women as to how they can effectively utilise their “free time” after returning to the hostel..

I for one find this very annoying.. like people asking me what do you do after going back to the hostel is the most annoying question that anyone could’ve ever asked me..

For those who are curious about what I do after going back to the hostel, please read and understand.. Hostel life is structured and follows a set timetable.. meals are served as per a fixed schedule.. Curfew is something that is sacrosanct and you just cannot breach it.. It’s a cardinal sin punishable by not being allowed entry into the hostel after curfew..

But despite the rules and regulations, hostel life has given me so much in terms of a disciplined and a structured life.. I’m a creature of habit so sticking to a schedule/fixed routine is something that is very important for me and brings me a lot of peace.. 

Besides the ambience of the hostel gives it a homely feeling and there is nothing more that I look forward to than just returning back to the hostel.. like I could be having the most horrible day ever but it all disappears the minute I enter the hostel and reach my room..

My bed in the hostel is that magical place where nothing can touch me.. all the unpleasantness of the outside world just cannot reach me when I’m lying on my bed.. 

I couldn’t have made a better choice of accommodation..

A few weeks ago, a good friend sent me a meme and I told her I have a similar one but I need to look for it and I will search and send it to her later.. so she cheekily asked me “after going back to the hostel”? This was a joke between us because she thinks I have lots of time once I reach the hostel despite which I don’t reply to her texts or don’t don’t effectively utilise my “free time”.. the time I supposedly have after I reach the hostel.. so in mild irritation I replied to her saying “I don’t know why people think I have another 24 hours after I reach hostel”.. 

In answer to my comment she said that there is a reference in Harry Potter to a bag Hermione Granger had.. over which she had used an extension charm. So basically it is a small sized bag, but it could carry large things like a tent also.. Apparently my hostel reminds her of Hermione’s bag. Everything is there.. And she said that maybe other people also see it this way.. lol..

And because the next lines of her message are so beautifully written and describe my hostel so well, I will quote her verbatim..

“ Sharon is also there. Time is also there. Wine is also there. People you talk to are also there.. food is also there.. songs that you are yet to listen to and forwards you are yet to send are also there.. probably messages you haven't replied to are also there..  grief is also there.. sadness is also there.. hope is also there..”

My hostel has given me so much in the few months that I have stayed here.. it is my “safe space” and I hope everyone finds their “safe space”, be it in a house or a person..Because everyone deserves a place/person to go back home to and just let go..