Life after Covid-19

So, after spending last 3 weeks getting affected from Covid-19, recovering from it and after spending considerable amount of time in isolation and self pity I finally felt the need to pen down a few thoughts on the whole ordeal.. 

I won't go into the specifics.. There's enough literature to tell you what happens when someone is affected by Covid-19.. But the days running up to my getting affected were filled with news of colleagues getting affected and succumbing to Covid-19.. So imagine my horror when despite following all precautions including getting my first jab of the vaccination, I still managed to test positive.. When my report came, though I was expecting it to be positive, I still was in shock.. And although I got in touch with a doctor immediately who started me off on a line of treatment, carefully explaining to me what I can expect as the days go by.. The doctor was thorough and systematic.. But what he showed as professional expertise became a bitter pill for me to swallow because during my treatment he was always preparing me for the worst possible outcome.. This included being prepared for my condition to worsen and be hospitalised.. 

Well, getting Covid-19 wouldn't be as scary as an ordeal as it turned out to be for me if I was staying with my family.. But since I work in a different city away from my husband and daughter.. and since the cardinal rule of treatment is it requires isolating myself I couldnt stay with my parents for the duration of the illness.. That isolation is sufficient to break you mentally.. Like my low point came around on the 6th day when the doctor based on my CT scan told me that I may want to look up hospitals and be prepared for hospitalization.. So when this friend called me to enquire how I was doing, I just broke down on the phone.. I couldn't say anything, I was just weeping uncontrollably into the phone.. My friend thankfully didn't patronise me saying "everything will be alright".. Having been through the ordeal herself she at least realised that my experience is different from hers.. I'm grateful to her for giving me the most practical advice at that moment - Not to panic, lest it affect my oxygen levels.. I had reached rock bottom that moment.. In hindsight it was a humiliating experience for me since I pride myself on being the 'strongest' person in any room.. People call me and break down on the phone.. I'm that strong pillar of support people look to when they need help.. I'm a sensitive person but I'd rather die than show other people this sensitive side of me.. So when I broke down on the phone it was because I had lost all hope of survival..

Honestly, I saw myself as a statistic, another life lost to Covid-19.. I was just thinking of all those status messages people would be putting up saying about me.. Things like "gone too soon", RIP, etc etc.. In those moments I was thinking I was dying and I wouldn't get to see my husband and daughter before dying.. Everyone is scared of dying but on that day I felt death stare at me with a cruel glance.. And that fear made me avoid all contact with all people.. Too many people calling/texting to enquire about my health.. I started ignoring all such calls/texts.. Simply because I was too overwhelmed/upset and because I felt they didn't understand what I'm going through.. and I didn't want anyone's pity/sympathy.. 

Also It's annoying when people give you unsolicited advice.. About tips/medications/diet/breathing exercises to do when you are affected with Covid-19.. Most of these people haven't even got the infection.. A friend justified this behavior saying people can't do anything else in this situation.. they feel helpless and so they share such advise.. Anyway, it was very annoying for me to see so much unsolicited advice.. Even the people who recovered from Covid and were giving me advice- I just shut out those things also.. Because this is my experience.. and it was 2 weeks of pure hell... physically and more so mentally.. I know I'll come back stronger.. I know that this experience will only make me tougher.. But it broke me.. Not beyond repair but it definitely did break me..

I can now laugh about so many things that happened during my illness.. Like on the 4th day, I got a call from a local heath dept informing me that I have Covid-19.. And the person on the phone just enquired if I was okay and needed any help.. I said, I was fine.. The person then advised to drink "hot water" and I would be alright... Gee! I wondered that all? I just had to drink hot water and I would be cured? My doc never told me this.. Will be cured now, I wondered??

A few days later LIC sent me an SMS saying that they will be following a 5 day work week and will not be open on Saturdays.. Fellow bankers will understand my pain.. and agree with me when I say this SMS that most of us received is just like applying salt on our wounds.. 

My sense of smell and taste are all over the place.. Things that are supposedly sweet, taste bitter.. But I guess my sense of smell is slowly returning.. and one of the first smells i could recognise was when I burnt the dosa that I was frying for dinner.. I was overjoyed at being able to get some of my sense of smell back if only to smell burnt dosas.. 

So today I'm in a slightly upbeat mood.. but there are days when I feel very low and depressed.. and don't feel like even getting out of bed.. (Post Covid depression is a thing I guess)..  I'm recovering but I have yet to undergo a test and hopefully I will test negative for Covid-19..

It's been a nightmare for me.. and yes, I agree so many people out there have lost much more.. I know many people personally who have lost their family members/loved ones.. and it's scary.. I wonder if this will ever end..

I was telling a friend, that I'm scared.. So she told me that everyone is scared.. But still people are going about their lives.. I guess that's the beauty of life.. So I'm still worried about so many things.. Will I get a Covid negative report.. will I make a full recovery post Covid? will I be able to go back to 'normal' life that I was leading before I got Covid?

A friend recently told me that very soon I'll be back to normal giving everyone around my usual doses of sarcasm.. I hope so too.. In the meantime I'm grateful at having made it this far.. Thank you to all those who checked in on me.. 

In my initial days of illness I had made a list of people who were affected and had recovered from Covid-19.. I made the list for getting a positive vibe and to tell myself that I too will survive Covid-19.. maybe it's time to add my name to that list.. Or I should probably wait for a Covid negative report.. ;-)